Grieving the Cousin I Never Met

My 35-year-old cousin passed away last week, and I can’t stop thinking about how unfair the world is.

I didn’t know he existed until I traveled to Paris in 2019 and met my extended cousin, who told me he had a brother that was a chef in Princeton, New Jersey.

I also had a cousin that was a chef in Princeton, New Jersey. When he showed me a picture of his brother, Ryan, at the restaurant he worked at, I immediately spotted my cousin Daniel standing next to him!

What are the chances I had 2 cousins from different sides of my family unite doing what they love? It was beautiful to witness, and even though I never got a chance to meet Ryan when I lived in New York City, I heard incredible things about him.

He was the first family member I knew to come out openly as gay and was happily pursuing his passions as a pastry chef. Seeing him move towards joy and authenticity also made me feel less lonely walking that path.

I struggled a lot in NYC in my fashion career and making friends. Knowing I had another cousin pursuing a creative career near me made me feel less insecure about being different than the rest of my family.

I rarely see Cambodians pursuing creative careers because musicians, artists, writers, actors, and basically anyone with a voice were the first to be killed during the genocide.

I was strictly raised by my family to go into STEM as means of financial stability, survival, and staying out of the spotlight.

But I resisted this path and chose to pursue creativity instead. I was constantly having to prove myself over and over again to my family that I could succeed in the fashion industry.

It takes so much courage to do what you love and be who you are in a culture that fears individuality, creativity, and the spotlight. Ryan had the courage to do what he loved, and it makes me sad he didn’t get to live out his creative pursuits.

So I promise to live mine.

As much as I doubt myself and as scary as it can be, I will continue to follow my heart and lead a life of authenticity.

I have a dream to be a successful standup comedian, actor, and own a production studio. I love the entertainment industry, and I’m currently making moves to pivot to this space fully in a couple of years.

Ryan’s unexpected passing made me realize we don’t have much time. 

Maybe it's time we become brave enough to pursue what lights us up. 

Maybe it's time we become brave enough to silence the voice that cares what people think of us so we can walk into the spotlight.

Maybe it's time we honor the lives of those who can no longer achieve their dreams by achieving ours.

Time is precious.

Life is precious.

Dreams are precious.

And when we make unapologetic movements to turn our dreams into reality, we can savor the present and fully live the lives we want.

Sincerely,

Mary

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