Redefining Sucess

I had a crisis last week trying to redefine what success meant to me. For most of my life, I had measured success by everything outside me— career, job title, salary (either though I barely made any as a fashion designer), and relationship status. I discovered with my career coach that I had equated success with the approval of others. Specifically, the approval of my Asian Mother. It makes sense why having designed for the luxury brands of Coach, Tory Burch, Marc Jacobs, and Tommy Hilfiger never inflated my ego because all I wanted was to hear those four validating words, “I’m proud of you.”

My fashion career was driven by reaching fulfillment outside of myself. As I become a more established writer, I have to redefine success, so I don't slip back into the emptiness of short-lived validation.

So, in the midst of seeking answers, I went for a run to the Met Museum. I sat on the steps in solitude within my thoughts when a small child jumped up and down around me, disturbing my peace. Then to my surprise, he took a seat right next to me and started pointing at cars, buildings, and the sky in awe. He was so amused and fulfilled by the complexities around us. So, I joined him in pointing at random artifacts on those Met steps as we cultivated gratitude for the simple city sights.

Then it hit me. Success is not a destination. It is a mindset we must cultivate and practice every day. For us to actualize this practice is to find what it is that fulfills us internally. When we look at our lives, the memories that light us up is human connection, and the time's someone has shown up in our most vulnerable moments. When we incorporate human connection and giving back to reach success, we will naturally feel fulfilled.

As I looked at this child, I thought about his precious youth spent in a country that turned a global pandemic into a game of politics. I thought about how we lived in a society that measures success outside of ourselves. I’ll be damned if this kid grows up to have any of the experiences I’ve had with corruption in workplaces and through those who held positions of leadership.

My renewed definition of success is to continue writing to create awareness within you, to feel empowered to live a life untethered by external validation. So, you can work towards building a sense of safety and security inside of you. So, you can always feel enough in whatever season of life you are in. So, together, we can break the cycle of short-lived success and create a healthier world for future generations, like the kid on those Met steps.

Your weekend to-do list: redefine success in a way that fills your heart with joy, gratitude, human connection, and giving back.

Sincerely,

Mary

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