The Pain Of Writing About Joy

I am rewriting my memoir after experiencing a painful breakup a few weeks ago. The pain of losing someone I envisioned a future with was debilitating. The process of letting someone I love go has been met with denial, resistance, anger, and sadness.

But even amid these heavy emotions, there is so much relief. There is so much I haven’t shared about that relationship, but it truly was a healing experience for me. I received the love I deserved. A love I had been dreaming about my whole life. It just didn’t last forever, and deep down I knew it couldn’t.

It became more painful to be in each other’s lives than to be a part. How does one even reconcile the complexities of human emotions in one relationship? Has anyone else experienced this kind of healing love?

This love story deserves time to be processed, crafted, and mastered into my final memoir. A story about healing childhood trauma through a safe relationship and defying the silly concept of you having to fully love yourself to love another.

Sometimes the only way to love our darkest parts is when someone else can...at least that is how my story played out.

Relational wounds can only be healed through relational repairment. The concept of trauma healing is often not talked about enough because it is often met with cynicism, fear, and projection. But I can attest that this concept is true. My former partner triggered wounds that needed to be healed and helped me heal them through his love.

Now that I’m on the outside looking in, I see his love was a gift that set me free from decades of repressed shame and trauma.

“Trauma is not your fault,” he’d say, “Trauma is not who you are.”

I am bigger than my trauma. I am so much more than what happened to me. And now having this wider view of my life I can write our love story from the beginning with the utmost compassion, grace, and ever-flowing feels and tears.

Writing about joy is more painful for me than writing about trauma. There is so much grief in joyous moments not lasting forever. A kind of grief that leaves me with more appreciation for being alive.

We are truly put here on this earth to experience love and happiness. These sacred precious moments are meant to be savored and abundant in our lives.

If I had these precious moments, more will come after. I have to believe that because life is truly meant to be enjoyed. We are meant to be open to the possibilities of more good things coming our way.

Top dating coach, Molly Godfrey shares a revelation about relationships in the latest episode of Mental Breakthrough Podcast when her therapist asked her if she’s afraid of finding something better than her last love.

That question has lingered in my heart since listening to that episode. Am I afraid of finding someone better than my last relationship? Of meeting someone even more aligned with my dreams, career, and goals? That question opened me up to more possibilities for the next person I fall in love with.

There’s so much uncertainty that comes after heartbreak, but I often forget, that with uncertainty comes limitless possibilities that anything can happen.

Sincerely,

Mary

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