S1:E5: Now You Can Dream Again

In this episode, I talk about how an inspiring pep talk with a dear friend empowered me to move forward by reminding me to dream of a better future without my partner. We often do not find people to hold space for us post-breakup. Many people project their fears of being alone onto us. What's important to remember is that those who go through a breakup or divorce should not be pitied. Rather they should be inspired and encouraged to move towards a life of new dreams and to reach their potential.

Transcript

Intro:
Welcome to Mental Breakthrough, a memoir podcast about owning our most vulnerable stories so we can live a life of authenticity.

I’m Maryann Samreth, the woman behind the pen name, Sincerely Miss Mary. Together, I take you through my healing journey as I share stories of moving through pain to get to the other side where the light shines again.

In this season, I carry you moment to moment, starting with a tumultuous breakup, then multiple breakdowns, and eventually a breakthrough.

I share stories of how my gift of writing guided me through the darkest moments of my life, leading me to reconnect with my Cambodian ancestors and break the cycle of generational trauma.

There is power in storytelling and sharing our vulnerabilities with the world. It opens doors to cultivate deeper connections with others on the same journey so we can heal as a collective.

By sharing my truths, I pave the way for others to feel safe sharing theirs. We all have a story to tell. Stories that can be someone’s silver lining. Stories of hope.

Episode Intro:
How do you truly move on from heartbreak, betrayal and abuse?

For me, it was by dreaming.

This episode is a continuation of my story from the aftermath condemning my partner’s best friend for sexually assaulting me.

If you missed episode 1-3 you can go back and catch up.

In episode 5, I talk about having to go back to work the day after a traumatic breakup and pretend everything was okay when it wasn’t.

What happened instead of work was playing hookie, drinking rose in Bryant Park at 11am, and having the most inspiring pep talk from a dear friend who empowered me to move forward by reminding me to dream.

Now, let’s begin.

Episode 5: Now You Can Dream Again

The following story by an anonymous author is the perfect way to describe narcissistic abuse.

If you throw a frog into a pot of boiling water, he will jump out.

But if you place a frog into a pot of cold water, and turn the heat onto a slow boil, the frog will eventually die, unknowingly.

The thing about narcissistic abuse is that you don’t realize it’s happening until it’s too late. Because every time a low would hit, an immediate high would follow with just the right dose of dopamine to make you believe in their potential to change instead of the reality of who they currently are.

My vacation to Japan with my partner at the time was just like that. There were moments where we had an amazing time where I felt like he truly loved me the way I loveD him...but then there were dark moments of yelling at me on the streets of Akihabara until I was put in tears in front of innocent bystanders.

I believe the cuts of abuse had to be deep enough for me to want a better life for myself. To see the grass was greener on the other side....without him.

My dreams became dormant when I became infatuated with rescuing a man from his inner demons...but on this trip to Japan...I began to wake up.

I vividly remember telling him my dreams, in the most abstract way. We were sitting in a sake bar in Shinjuku, Tokyo. I was 5 shots in when I began rambling about how I wasn’t fulfilled in my life. I wanted more for myself. I wanted to come out of the shadows and show my face to the world, but I didn’t know what that would look like or how to do it. I never told this man my dreams in order to keep his ego alive.

I was half drunk and half dreaming at my partner, and in this painted future of mine...I knew he no longer fit on the canvas.

Fast forward to the breakup, he pulled the plug on the relationship right after I hit the post button condemning his best friend for sexually assaulting me, which I talk about in episode 1.

You can say he may have won the breakup by being the one to break up with me. But I knew the truth...he had already lost me.

Discarding me was the only power he had to salvage what was left of his precious ego.

I outgrew a man who could no longer groom me into remaining silent about his best friend sexually assaulting me.

He lost me to the new version of me cultivating the courage to walk into my dreams.

My dreams of wanting more for myself and to fully embody the ferocity of Sincerely Miss Mary.

I was ready to be who I was, I wasn’t afraid anymore.

I was ready to dream again.

We broke up the day after we returned from Japan...and the following Monday I had to go to work. I had to pretend to be okay and save face like the women we’re painted to be in moments of chaos...

I was not okay nor did I give myself permission to be okay not being okay.

So in my numbness I texted my dear friend Elizabeth, from across the room, told her what happened...and immediately we jetted out of the office, across Bryant Park, in and out of Whole Foods with a 6-pack can of Rose.

It was 11am. 

We sat in the middle of Bryant Park, as I released the waterworks while downing rose, she looks at me with the most empathic eyes and compassionate heart and says to me…

What happened to you was not love...Now you’re free...Now you can dream again..

These words came out of her mouth like medicine.

She didn’t pity my breakup...she celebrated my freedom...because she knew my potential..she knew I would dream again...and she was cheering me on.

The healthiest response to someone’s breakup, separation, or divorce should never be met with pity or a projection of one’s innermost fear of being alone…

This was the most popular response I received by friends and family post-breakup...It was freaking out.

Instead, an end of a relationship should be celebrated because as Brianna Wiest says, “Good relationships do not end.”

When Elizabeth said those 5 powerful words to me, “Now you can dream again.”

She ignited a part of me to have faith in my future which overpowered the grief I had for the future I wanted with my partner.

In that moment, rose in hand, I was empowered to start choosing myself, loving myself, dating myself, and reaching my potential.

To Dear Elizabeth,

I’m going to try hard to read this without crying.

Thank you for sitting in my pain
Letting me cry
Letting me grieve
Reminding me of my strength
Of my beauty
Of my love

You reminded me
I would heal
I would dream
I would be loved again in the way
I should have always been

It was here in this beautiful moment with you
Where I began to dream big dreams
To see my potential
To become more curious than scared
For my future

Rather than to sit in the familiar comfort
Of an abusive relationship
A relationship where the best parts of me
would remain dormant
Just to feed a small man’s ego

An abrasive discard by someone
Who claimed to love me
But did not know what love was
Awakened my spirit
Where I would finally admit

I didn’t deserve his shit

I was now awake
I was now alive
And as painful as the healing journey will be
I will heal
I will dream
And I will love

Thank you Elizabeth. I love you so much.

The truth bomb story about healing from abuse is something called complex emotions. It is a term of feelings all different types of emotions all at once.

After my breakup I surrendered to the ebb and flow of every negative and positive emotion. This is the first stage of grief, and what makes grief harder in heartbreak is to grieve someone who is still alive and to go from partners to strangers instantly.

I will be honest about what I felt for the next 3-5 months after that breakup:
I loved him
I missed him
I hated him
I prayed for him
I hoped for him
I dreamed of him

It was a cycle of these emotions until eventually the pain faded and went into indifference.

What helped me get to this stage was to also celebrate my freedom simultaneously as I grieved.

Yes, you can do both at once...like I said..complex emotions..you can google it or ask my therapist.

I gave myself permission to celebrate what I didn’t miss:

Gone were the days of victim-blaming
Going to bed crying every night
The stench of weed in our apartment
His racist step-Mom who worked for the TSA and openly hated on Muslims

Gone were the days of ever stepping into his male-dominated Hedge Fund holiday party filled with entitled white men who one day congregated on a Saturday morning at the office to discuss ways of getting a partner out of a sexual harassment case for behaving inappropriately towards his assistant..a true story...my ex probably now regrets telling me...

Anyways, there were more good things in my life happening than bad when my partner left me. Holding space for all of those feelings is the healthiest thing you can do.

Healing from heartbreak, especially a long term relationship is a process.

You can’t rush the process.

You can’t rush the pain.

Otherwise, you will rob yourself of the full human experience.

You can’t have joy without pain.

You can’t have gratitude without loss.

You can’t have love without hopelessness.

Everything exists because of its contrast experience.

To feel the depth of painful emotion allows you to feel the full depth of pleasurable one

Like laughing until your stomach hurts or nearly crying of joy because your best friends from high school threw you a zoom surprise party...that is also a true story.

To get to a place where the sun shines brighter is to make peace with the past so you can move forward savoring every present moment where you feel alive again.

Healing is a process, a journey, an inner adventure.

It is messy, sometimes cruel, but necessary to build towards your resilience.

You, my dear,
cannot be destroyed
in moments of brokenness

You will bend
You will twist
You will witness your resilient nature
reconstructing an iron heart

You, my dear,
cannot break

You can dance
For the audience of wishful thinkers
in a diminishing storm of contempt

You will defiantly dance
anchored down
by your iron heart

Outro:
What an episode you guys. Every time I say there’s gonna be a lighter episode it’s heavy. 

I hope this one helps you heal from heartbreak if you’re going through this right now if you’re here from Instagram or Tiktok.

I hope this episode reminds you to dream again. I really believe that is the best medicine to heartbreak.

We all have a story to tell and I want to thank you for listening to mine. I’m Maryann, the woman behind the pen name, Sincerely Miss Mary.

If you guys have been keeping on with me on Instagram and TikTok you know that I will soon be releasing a breakup workbook filled with everything I learned in therapy that helped me heal from a heartbreak and take my power back.

Be sure to sign up for my newsletter to receive this free digital workbook at https://www.sincerelymissmary.com/newsletter

If you loved this episode, please leave me a review!

You can also follow me on TikTok and Instagram @sincerelymissmary.
Talk to you guys next week.