S1:E6: Don’t Move On, Move Forward to Your Future Self
In this episode I take you through the steps to move forward to your future self that is healing, glowing, and thriving. This episode is your reminder that heartbreak lasts for a season and to keep moving forward with curiosity to the potential of who you could be.
Transcript
Intro:
Welcome to Mental Breakthrough, a memoir podcast about owning our most vulnerable stories so we can live a life of authenticity.
I’m Maryann Samreth, the woman behind the pen name, Sincerely Miss Mary. Together, I take you through my healing journey as I share stories of moving through pain to get to the other side where the light shines again.
In this season, I carry you moment to moment, starting with a tumultuous breakup, then multiple breakdowns, and eventually a breakthrough.
I share stories of how my gift of writing guided me through the darkest moments of my life, leading me to reconnect with my Cambodian ancestors and break the cycle of generational trauma.
There is power in storytelling and sharing our vulnerabilities with the world. It opens doors to cultivate deeper connections with others on the same journey so we can heal as a collective.
By sharing my truths, I pave the way for others to feel safe sharing theirs. We all have a story to tell. Stories that can be someone’s silver lining. Stories of hope.
Episode Intro:
This episode is to honor my favorite holiday, Valentine’s day!
Why is Valentine’s Day my favorite holiday?
Because I love to celebrate love.
For almost 30 years of my life, I attached my worth outside of myself, so naturally I didn’t prioritize self-love or even know what that felt like.
After learning to love myself, post heartbreak, I was finally able to invite the right kind of love into my life.
This is in the form of genuine and sincere relationships with friends and family. I have never felt so supported and loved in my life, and I want you to know that the process of healing from heartbreak allows you to fill your heart with healing and loving relationships.
In this episode I take you through the steps to move forward to your future self that is healing, glowing, and thriving.
This episode is your reminder that heartbreak lasts for a season and to keep moving forward with curiosity to the potential of who you could be.
Episode 6: Don’t Move On, Move Forward to Your Future Self
Move on, let go, He didn’t deserve you, good thing you didn’t marry him!
I can’t tell you how many times I have had responses that invalidated my feelings post-breakup.
People don’t know how to hold space for those going through breakups, separations, or divorces. Sometimes we end up going out of our way to make those uncomfortable with our breakup, comfortable.
That’s the culture we live in.
We believe marriage and relationships last forever, so when those closest to us break up, it quickly hits at our limiting beliefs about love.
All of my limiting beliefs about love, completely shattered in a necessary way after my devastating breakup and I’m glad it did.
Because over a year and half later, after that breakup, I’m still single, and I’ve reached a level of happiness I never felt in that relationship.
When we stay in a place past it’s expiration date, we often believe it’s the best we’ll ever have. So we settle for staying where we are. We get stuck.
Breakups are painful because we have to let go of those limiting beliefs that held us back from the love we deserve.
Breakups are also beautiful because now you’re free to build towards new beliefs that will bring you closer to people that know how to love you.
A love that sees, hears you, and validates you.
We need to normalize breakups.
We need to normalize separations.
We need to normalize divorces.
Because after every heartbreak comes a season of rebuilding the foundation of who you are with pieces of you.
This is what it feels like to move forward to your future self.
A future you that is healed, that is kind, that is soft, that is going to attract someone just like you.
Cheryl Strayed has a beautiful quote about love, “Be brave enough to break your own heart.”
That perfectly sums up the process of heartbreak.
Not only did someone break your heart, but you also risked breaking your own heart as well.
The risk you took is brave.
We can’t control how someone carries our heart or reciprocates our love, but your decision to choose to be vulnerable with another person speaks volumes to how big of a heart you have.
Be proud of your bravery.
Honor your bravery.
That is something that exposes your strength regardless of a relationship not working out.
The most dismissive message I received after my breakup was from my own mother, who told me to just move on. She had good intentions, a mother never wants to see her daughter in pain, so I don’t fault her for trying to rush me out of my heartbreak season.
But I can’t help but see these common used words meshed together in an attempt to cushion the blow of heartbreak...as dismissive.
Of course, we all want to move on after heartbreak.
But instead of telling others to move on without knowing how or the process, we should instead tell them to move forward to their future self.
Words are powerful to one’s healing.
In episode 5, I talk about how my friend uplifted me by saying, “Now You Can Dream Again.”
Her words shifted my mindset to focus on the future. Yes, I was still feeling pain from the breakup, but she inspired me to look forward to a version of me where I was healed, renewed, and accomplishing the big dreams I set out.
Her words gave me hope. Hope is powerful. It outweighs painful moments.
To move forward to your future self, takes consistency like a newly formed habit, it also involves giving yourself grace for the hard days, and working towards forgiveness towards your past mistakes.
The process of moving forward to your future self, gives you the courage to reach your greatest potential.
Uncertainty means anything is possible.
Here are the steps I took to move forward to my future self, which is who I am today.
Step 1: Become Curious About Yourself
What do you like? What do you hate? What brings you joy? What energizes you? What depletes you?
Become curious about who you are without your partner. When you start to learn about what your likes and dislikes are without the opinion of someone else it will feel like you are returning to yourself.
The best way to learn about yourself is to do it alone. See this opportunity of solitude as freedom to do what you want to do. Don’t be afraid to be alone. Learn how to enjoy your own company and be your own best friend.
Step 2: Give yourself everything your partner couldn’t.
I’m talking about emotional validation.
Were you a people pleaser in your last relationship? Did you compromise your values, or certain things to make them more comfortable?
It’s time you give everything you gave to them, to yourself.
If they couldn’t give you love. Love yourself.
If they couldn’t give you respect. Respect yourself.
If they were unkind, be kind to yourself.
Validating yourself is a way of developing your core values, the most important foundation of every relationship.
Your core values are what you refuse to compromise in any relationship-friendship, work, romantic. This is your backbone.
This is you creating safety within your heart, and anyone that crosses the boundaries of your core values in a relationship is not aligned with who you are.
Step 3: What are you not bringing with you to your next relationship?
This would be your toxic traits that hold you back from the love you deserve.
This is a working practice to dismantle bad habits.
For me it was working on my anxious attachment style, people pleasing traits, and codependency.
I used to believe love conquered all which allowed me to overlook a lot of red flags early on in my last relationship. Love does not conquer all, it’s a combination of compassion, compatibility, and empathy...We’re not taught this.
We’re taught to idealize a kind of love that makes us attach our worth outside of ourselves.
We then believe someone will make us feel whole or complete and rescue us when the reality is that we were always whole as is and there is no such thing as prince charming because you are composed of everything needed to rescue yourself.
Step 4: What are your dreams?
Who will you be when you are healed from heartbreak? Take a moment, close your eyes, and imagine your future self.
Who will you be when all of your dreams come true? What are you wearing? How do you feel about yourself? Are you more confident? Do you live life fearlessly?
Feel the way you want to be in the future and work hard to become this person.
Step 5: Forgive your past self for tolerating behaviors that kept you stuck.
All you did was give your love and energy to the wrong person.
I used to beat myself up for giving my love to someone who didn’t deserve it. But my therapist told me, all I did wrong was pick the wrong person, but the love I carried within, the kindness in my heart, the way I love so deeply and want the best for someone are all amazing traits to carry.
These are traits to be proud of not embarrassed of.
If all you did was give your love to the wrong person, that’s the best case scenario, because the way you love is pure, kind, and real.
Step 6: Choose Yourself
Have the courage to be at peace within solitude. It is so important to spend time alone after recovering from heartbreak.
You go through a process of unlearning and relearning. This is an intimate healing relationship you are building with yourself. Be selfish in solitude. Be aware of what your needs and desires are and then don’t be afraid to ask for it in future relationships.
To be in solitude after heartbreak is choosing to move forward to your future self that knows who they are and what they want.
When you get to a place where you love yourself, you trust yourself, you have a strong sense of self, you will never allow anyone in who makes you feel less than.
Choosing yourself is the path to self-love and self-love is the most powerful armor towards those who don’t wish you well.
Step 7: Remember the love you give away will make its way back to you
I have said this so many times and I truly believe that. The love you give away always comes back to you.
It first comes back to you in self-love and when you are able to fiercely love yourself, you’ll see how relationships with friends and family will change.
Some will fall away, and that’s normal. But some will be strengthened by your courage to love yourself, and in the void of where your partner use to be, will be new relationships that match empathic heart, and someday, when you’re ready to open your heart again to a romantic partner...you would have done all of the work to attract someone healthy.
I believe that.
I believe the love you give to the wrong person will make its way back to you.
I believe that a kind of heartbreak that feels so heavy and feels so endless is a lesson in showing you your capacity to love so much.
It is a lesson in showing your capacity to be human in ways so rare.
I believe the tougher the heartbreak the better you become in setting boundaries to protect your heart from the wrong people.
I believe that day will come where you meet someone that will feel foreign and familiar to you all at once.
It will feel foreign because this is the first time you feel safe.
This is the first time you feel peace.
It will feel familiar because you have seen this love.
You have experienced this love.
You know this love.
This love is the love you gave away finally making its way back to you.
Outro:
Thank you for listening to my words of encouragement and if you are moving forward to your future self after heartbreak, I hope I can give you the encouragement you need to keep going.
We all have a story to tell and I want to thank you for listening to mine. I’m Maryann, the woman behind the pen name, Sincerely Miss Mary.
The Breakup Workbook is officially out. I created this workbook for free because I want to share everything I learned in therapy that helped me heal from heartbreak and take my powerback.
It is so hard to find support after heartbreak in a world that conditions us to invalidate our emotions and bypass the pain.
This journal guide takes you through the emotional process of healing. It is everything I went through to help me get to the otherside where the light shines again. This light was my future self, which is who you’re talking to today.
Work towards becoming the person you want to be proud of.
If you loved this episode, please leave me a review and if you are currently moving through heartbreak, congratulations now you can dream again.
Talk to you all next week!
