How To Tackle Our Fear of Judgment For Sharing Our Art
“They can dislike the way you express yourself, but they can’t deny what happened.”
Words my partner told me that allow me to have the capacity for judgment to exist in my body.
If you’re like me, you’ve lived through life in anticipation of what others think and respond to you because you may have had an experience in your childhood where ridicule and judgment from others overwhelmed your entire system and created a pattern of hypervigilance or social anxiety.
Those overwhelming experiences of criticism, ridicule, and judgment you experienced as a child created patterns where you curated your every move in a way that was not disruptive toward public perception.
I’ve been patterning that pattern my entire life as a coping mechanism to navigate the harsh criticism I received in my life as a kid.
Being perceived a certain way to make others comfortable was part of my Asian culture—a caveat of collectivism. I was raised to think how I am is a representation of how we all are. That’s a lot to carry as a little kid, leading me to use all my mental energy just to exist.
Carrying people’s perception of me nearly broke me, making me realize I was never meant to carry people’s discomfort. That’s a THEM problem, am I right?
To let that belief in my body go was to follow the heavy weight in my chest every time I felt fear when expressing myself publicly through TikToks, IG posts, and even surface-level conversations at family gatherings.
I stayed with the weight in my body, exploring it and discovering what was attached to this heaviness was an image of my 5-year-old self in a forest, looking down, alone, and isolated from the world.
How long has she been here? I thought to myself. How long has she accepted her fate that she would be punished for being herself in this world?
I imagined myself being with her in the forest and handing her a ball of light.
“You don’t have to hide anymore,” I tell her, “Take this light and share it with the world.”
The weight in my chest begins to dissipate as I begin to feel a tingling sensation in place of the void. The sensation was followed by a sense of empowerment and a desire to reclaim my unapologetic presence in the world. I felt lighter and free as my body welcomed a new belief that when I allow myself to exist exactly as I am, I will invite more goodness into my life.
Sharing your art with the world is a journey of exploring uncertainty from others. But when you stand in your truth, and you fall in love with the way you express yourself, no one can deny your experience. Because the process of creating your art from your heart has already been completed, and anything beyond sharing your art is just noise, aka your ability to control the outcome.
We can hope people resonate with your art, but it’s not our responsibility to make that connection. We simply witness what happens and nurture the part of us that feels the fear of inserting our presence. We learn to recognize the part that feels fear is the part that loves us the most and wants to protect us.
And when we nurture the part of us that feels heavy, we feel the weight dissipate and welcome a new belief that maybe the bad things fall away, making room for more goodness to enter our lives because now we have the capacity to carry what’s meant for us and let go of what’s not.
This is Somatic Experiencing, a tool to integrate the parts of yourself you may have kept hidden and bring them to the surface so together you can feel wholeness again.
Somatic Experiencing is a modality I have finally completed my 3-year training in. I’ve completed over 40 sessions to help regulate my nervous system, release complex trauma, and significantly reduce my symptoms of PTSD.
I am now offering Somatic Experiencing sessions as part of my coaching practice. If you are interested in learning more or would like to book a clarity call for this modality, schedule a call below.
Sincerely,
Mary
For more stories and updates on Mary’s work, subscribe to her Newsletter here
