I Projected My Trauma and Triggers On My Boyfriend's Family

"I'm so sorry I was talking about how much fun I was having this weekend with my family. I know that can trigger you."

My boyfriend told me the other night.

That's when I knew I had made a mistake and projected my trauma triggers onto my partner and his family.

A few months ago, his mom triggered my PTSD by calling me his ex's name. Even though I was aware of it being a PTSD episode, I couldn't bypass the pain and confusion of the event triggering repressed childhood trauma and making memories of abuse come back.

It was bad. It was hell.

I hated his mom for a while and felt guilty for feeling that way..but I didn't know what was happening in my body...because the fact that memories were coming back..forcing me to look at the wound meant I was going on a healing journey of recovering from childhood trauma.

I was scared, but I was ready to heal this.

After the incident, I had conversations with my partner about how if his family wants a relationship with me, it has to be at my pace and under my needs, and I now realize how much I was projecting.

I was scared of another PTSD trigger, I thought EMDR would erase all the symptoms, but the reality is when you have developmental trauma, these symptoms will always be there and healing is a lifelong process.

I don't want my partner and his family to tip-toe around me and accommodate me because I am recovering from trauma. This is my responsibility to navigate these triggers so I can integrate myself back into society.

Sounds harsh I know...but here's the truth..healing trauma means regulating your nervous system to ground yourself back to a place of safety when you get triggered.

The only way to do this is within the practice and of course, with the right support to do so.

If you're on this journey too, know we can do hard things. It takes practice, patience, and acceptance for this ever-evolving healing journey.

After my partner told me his fears of hurting me with what brings him joy, I harshly told him never to feel like he has to police himself around me. I want to be able to co-exist with what brings him joy in his life.

My trauma triggers are not for him to manage. It's mine. This is my healing journey, and I can't have anyone try to author this part of my story.

This is the power of agency.

Recognizing we are always the author and creators of our lives.

Sincerely,

Mary

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