I Can’t Stop Writing Break-Up Texts

I’ve been writing break-up messages to my partner...on my phone’s notes app...with the headline, PTSD LIES.

“You deserve someone who doesn’t have childhood trauma.”

“You should be with someone who doesn’t have an unconventional job with a growing platform.”

“Your family probably thinks I’m a huge freak, and I’m a massive burden to them because I’m not normal and perfect like all of you.”

These messages cross my mind several times a week, especially when my CPTSD symptoms are activated...So I know these thoughts are lies, but my body doesn’t..my body is still healing from a dysregulated state of hypervigilance...so these thoughts feel like the truth, but it’s disguised as fear.

My harsh inner critic wants to protect me because I fear being hurt by love based on experiences of abuse.

When you’re a child, you can’t distinguish between love from harm, and these two concepts become blended, leading you to the wrong people in adulthood.

But the truth is love can’t hurt you.
Love is not synonymous with pain.

People who hurt you are the ones who do not know how to love...because they do not know how to love themselves.

Love starts from within and then radiates out and magnetizes those who belong to you.

Love is the antidote to repairing our hearts by those who hurt us.

If you’ve had these experiences of being hurt by those who attach conditions to love, you may have a harsh inner critic.

Those voices telling you you are different are from our hurt inner child who had to endure painful experiences they didn’t deserve.

So you must give this child love from the safety in you now.

Write them a letter when you’re scared and want to push others away.

Defy the story this child repeats in their minds and let them know it’s now safe to be loved.

Sincerely,

Mary

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