S2E41: Permission to Honor Your Desires With Dating Coach Molly Godfrey

Molly Godfrey is the CEO of Successful Love, a viral content creator, and the ‘go-to’ dating + relationship coach for high-achieving single women in their 30s.

Featured on the Today Show, InStyle, and Bustle, she has been recognized as a trusted love advisor, helping her clients get unstuck and land their dream relationships. She works with ambitious women + CEOs who are tired of the frustrating cycles of way too much work and way too little love — and who are ready to open themselves to real connection and lasting partnership. She just launched a new online course, "Dating Confidence," helping single women to move from random matches to committed relationships. Use code PODCAST for $75 off at checkout and purchase at successfullove.com/dating-confidence.

Follow her on Instagram:
https://www.instagram.com/askformolly

LinkedIn:
https://www.linkedin.com/in/molly-godfrey/

Support Sincerely Miss Mary’s latest initiative to bring her trauma-informed writing modalities to schools:

Contribute to her Crowdfunding campaign:
https://ifundwomen.com/projects/sincerely-miss-mary

Select from various campaign rewards from a digital poetry book to Write & Release Workbook, 60-min creative coaching, virtual writing power hour, and more:
https://ifundwomen.com/projects/31082/support/124250#edit-reward-124250

 Maryann Samreth  00:00

Welcome to mental breakthrough, a mental health podcast about owning our most vulnerable stories. As a reminder, we are all human. I'm MaryAnn Samreth, trauma writing coach, founder of sincerely Miss Mary and your host. In this season, I bring in healers, coaches, therapists and writers in the mental health and thought leadership space to share their stories of overcoming their shadows, to get to a place where the light shines again. These are trauma survivors, mental health advocates, spiritual guides, coaches, and first and foremost, human beings, reminding us to be softer and kinder to ourselves, so we can then meet others with the same compassion. The power and sharing our truths with the world gives permission for others to feel safe experiencing theirs. As a disclaimer, this podcast is not a replacement for trauma informed therapy. But as always, you can find mental health resources on my website at www that sincerely, Miss mary.com Hey, everyone, I'm excited about this podcast episode with Molly Godfrey. Molly is the CEO of successful love a viral content creator in the go to dating and relationship coach for high achieving single woman in their 30s This is a great episode for anyone on their healing journey. Whether you're in a relationship or you're on your dating journey, or you're single, this is for everyone. She vulnerably shares her journey to becoming a top dating coach through the many life lessons she's learned from heartbreak, a topic many of us can relate to. And currently, the season I am in heartbreak is a complex layered kind of a portal to great healing and growth. You always come out learning more about yourself if you choose to. And that is often not talked about enough. So I'm really glad that Molly dives deep into it and really honors the healing process of heartbreak. And as a reminder, I am raising funds for right and release a trauma informed wellness writing program to help burnt out teachers regulate their emotions, so they can access relief during times of stress, and learn how to show up for their students exhibiting challenging behaviors. So far, we have raised over $7,000, and we are halfway to our goal, I am just in awe of how supportive my friends, family, old co workers, strangers have been throughout this crowdfunding campaign. It has really pushed me to believe in myself, to ask for support and to give people the opportunity to be a part of my vision. It's as an entrepreneur, it is very, very scary to do this entire process. But I have really stepped up into leadership and into my power. And I'm just grateful for everyone that has contributed to this campaign. The link are in the show notes to support my campaign. And you can also go to my Instagram bio at sincerely Miss Mary to support my campaign. There are amazing rewards from a poetry book a write and release workbook of my entire writing framework. And there's also a virtual writing Power Hour with 30 minutes of writing coaching happening tomorrow at 6:30pm Central Time. It is not too late to get that reward, so definitely check it out. I hope you support this mission and please enjoy this episode with my dear friend Molly. Hi, everyone, welcome to Mental breakthrough podcast today. I have Molly Godfrey. She is a viral content creator, dating and relationship coach for high achieving big hearted woman. And through the use of art science and somatic practices. She helps clients create their dream relationship. And me and Molly have been pandemic friends. So we met in a writers group and we've been really great friends ever since. I feel like we've had like very similar relationship breakup stories. How are you doing Molly? It's so nice to be here. Thanks, Maryann. Yeah, it's funny to think about our roots where we started. Yeah, definitely. So I would love for you to tell your story about your your mental breakthrough story of how you became the person you are today. Yes, let's do it. Well, the long and short of it is I have been on a wakeup journey I've been in a wake up journey I've been on the healing journey. And you know, I think somebody you it the impetus was a breakup. I

Molly Godfrey  05:00

I started, I started this work because I really wanted to help the relationship. And you know, I started doing some work on myself, I got myself into coach training, I left my toxic corporate job started looking at my relationship blocks and, and what was in the way of having a healthy relationship and I got in a healthy relationship. And it was really exciting. I fell in love, thought I was gonna marry this person moved to New York City with this person, gonna start a coaching business with this person. And then we broke up, and the beautiful love story kind of came crashing down. And it was a really, really blindsiding, you know, I really, I really thought that I would spend my life with this person. But in retrospect, I am very glad you broke up, I'm really grateful for that experience. Because it turns out, I had more healing to do. And that relationship, it really broke me in a lot of ways. But it got me into much deeper work and allowed me to restart my business in a much more empowered way gave me my voice, I started writing, I got into EMDR therapy, I got into EFT. Most recently I've gotten into somatic experiencing, which I believe you're doing a ton of training in.

Maryann Samreth  06:16

Yeah, I'm going to start that next year, I actually haven't done it myself. So I'd love to hear stories about your experience with

Molly Godfrey  06:23

that. Oh, my goodness, yes. And so it took me on a whole new journey. And you know, I think you've quoted this a bunch of times in your own content, but it really did give me a voice, you know, I had no other option but to heal and process that pain through writing through blogging, one of those ended up going completely viral, which is not. And still to this day, I just got an email from Google saying it's climbing like still to this day, women are finding me from that article in multitudes. And you know, it ended up getting me to an even better place. And that's where I'm at now. And so the work I'm able to do with clients as a result is much deeper. The the use of somatic practices, as I've mentioned that, you know, it all started because I was looking for a relationship gotten one didn't go as expected, had more healing to do as a result. And now I am where I am now. Yeah.

Maryann Samreth  07:20

What was that experience of being in that relationship that you were in? Like, what were some of the biggest lessons you learned that didn't come with you being in that relationship, or that it comes after

Molly Godfrey  07:33

a little bit of both, you know, it's tricky, because I really love this person. Like, I really love this person, they were my best friend and a lot of ways and reflecting now, you know, it's like, wow, I was just really, I was, I grew up really, really, really lonely. You know, my parents were divorced. And I was very young. My mom is a business owner as well. So she worked 24/7, my sister's eight years older. So you know, has always either been in college, had a job or has moved away and started her own family. So I just I grew up in a lot of loneliness. Right. And I think that relationship was just like this finally, that piece that that felt like it solved that problem, but it's, you know, was really toxic. And a lot of ways we did not want in reflecting I'm just like, oh my goodness, like we were our five year old selves, just in 27 year old bodies, like we did not know how to communicate, we only knew how to get our needs met through manipulation and through hurting each other and punishing each other. Yeah. And we both recently gotten into recovery, I, you know, he was the first person I dated as a sober individual, so did not, you know, had this substance and this coping mechanism removed from my life that I didn't have the tools to communicate differently. And so a lot of ways it was very, very toxic, and we caused a lot of harm to each other and abusive to him, you know, a lot of emotional abuse happened, just you know, the way the things that we did to each other when we got on these fights and to get each other to come back after these fights and the ways that we control each other. So you know, certainly he he had a big role and then I can you know, reflect on the ways unconsciously I was trying to get my needs met to Riley

Maryann Samreth  09:20

right? I mean, they say like relationships are our mirrors and we're when we're like unconscious to things that we still need to work on, like the people that we choose as partners are just a constant reflection of our wounds and when we don't want to look at it that's when like that constant just like you know that fighting that because I went through something very similar with with my ex which you know, that story but it was, you know, it's it's very, it's not sustainable to be in something that is you're both just projecting your wounds onto each other, but then you'd also don't really realize it either. What was it like to you know, come Just the other side, and what were some of the things that you just would never go back to and never compromise about yourself? Again?

Molly Godfrey  10:07

Totally. Yeah. And it's, you know, it's so hard, like, I see all these things now, but from the outside, like I couldn't, I couldn't see them on the inside. And probably one of the biggest things was, you know, my partner just took up a lot of space, he was the life of the party. You know, it was totally like, the lot, one of the last memories I have was, we were on a road trip across the US. And we were, I think we were driving through one of the deserts in Utah, Arizona, and I've just had this moment where I woke up, and I was like, Oh, my gosh, this person cannot stop talking, just loves the sound of their own voice is willing to take up all the space in the relationship. And I just had this moment where I was like, if I stay in this relationship, I am going to be so silenced. Oh, wow, I am, I am not going to get any, you know, airtime. Like he doesn't make my own, he doesn't make my voice priority, he doesn't make my music priority, my desire priority. And like, I can't blame them for that, because I wasn't claiming any of the space either. And I was just, I was insecure with my desires, and I wasn't owning them fully. So something I never want to go back to is just, you know, someone who you just just that not mutuality, not the right word. It just, it wasn't a balanced dynamic, you know, I was holding all the space. And you know, it was allowing someone to claim all of it. And that's just not how I want to show up in a new relationships. So it takes me coming out more. And it also takes a partner conscious of that, you know, really holding space for me, too. So that's probably one of the things that was most alarming towards the end.

Maryann Samreth  11:40

Yeah, I mean, I love what you said about, you know, being insecure about your desires, because that's something I feel like many women go through how did you combat that? Like, how did you, you know, start to feel confident about asking for what you desired and asking for what you want, it

Molly Godfrey  11:57

totally is such a big struggle, it's probably the biggest thing I work with women on is, you know, developing that part of their voice. No, it's still a work in progress, to be honest. But I've now had enough contrasting experiences where I can feel in my body, I can feel my body, when I'm not being honest, I can feel my body where I'm withholding, like that dissonance that I now feel as a result of all this healing work. There's just a sound bell that goes off a lot sooner that's like volley, need to speak up. I and so it's always a work in progress. But the key is, and you know, this, like having a really safe partner that can slow down that can have really good attention on you that feels safe enough to express yourself. And I think that was a big reason why didn't was because I'd express myself and it wouldn't go well or I'd be dismissed or I'd be gaslit. So

Maryann Samreth  12:47

yeah, and I feel like when we have those experiences where our our voices dismissed or we shut ourselves off, it becomes even more louder, like our body will be screaming for us to listen and ask for its desire. So I think that, you know, it's, it's very fascinating to like, hear how like, you really listen to your body now. Because we because of the experiences where you weren't paying attention to your body cues, like, I have that experience to where my body will be like screaming to the point where like, I cannot listen, I have to pay attention. I can't, I can't not not listen to my body. So I think that's very fascinating, that you've been able to tap into your body and also incorporate it into your coaching practice. Totally.

Molly Godfrey  13:35

I mean, yeah, it's beautiful and Manian and all the things. Yeah. Yeah, our body knows, our body knows, I would love. It's not in my required reading list. Because I'm not like, it's like good at it. But the Body Keeps the Score. I wish everyone would read the Body Keeps the Score. Yeah, that's just so unnecessary.

Maryann Samreth  13:57

Definitely. That one is a powerful one. So what was the viral article that you wrote? What was it about? What was the title?

Molly Godfrey  14:05

Yeah, the title was my therapist told me that had me finally get over my app. Pretty sure it's the title. Yeah. And it really, it's so funny. You know, as a writer, you know, you've spent all this time curating these articles, and you're like, Oh, this one would be great. This would be a zinger. And this one I just wrote as like a diary entry and just like, it all came out to me one afternoon. And during peak pandemic, like I think it was April of last year, and it was just a, you know, a page out of my journal of just not being able to get out of get over my axe, like really stuck in this breakup, feeling like I would never move on feeling like you know, I wanted to be back but I knew that the relationship was terrible and you know, all the ways I was hoping it could be different and just like this, this page of a journal of just how crazy I felt for like a year after the relationship and and then my really brilliant therapist First, I had just started dating. So no, I think it was a month or two before I had started dating someone new. She just looked at me and she was like, Molly, you know, are you just afraid of something really a really great relationship, like feeling really loved? And are you afraid of something better coming in? And I was like, Oh my gosh.

Maryann Samreth  15:19

Yeah, it's like they call you out.

Molly Godfrey  15:23

It was so confronted, I was like, Oh, that's not it. And she was like, Okay. And so I write in the article, how, like, she said that it nailed me, I resisted it. And then I ended up meeting a really lovely man, like, shortly after that, that therapy session, and we dated for almost six months during the pandemic. And then I ended up staying out of the city. And so it just made sense to amicably part. But I think what was so relatable and hopeful in that article was that, you know, we've all been there, we've all been there, integrating process, trying to reconcile and figure out, you know, figure out, put the pieces back together for life. And really question, can we move on? Is there something out there for us. And so, it really resonated with women in it, like within an hour, like 1000s of people had reacted to it, all these, all these other blogs are reaching out. That's probably, you know, quite a few women have found me from that article and acquired me as their coach. And then I wrote like a kind of like a follow up, or a little bit different angle of that article. And then the Today Show, found that article and reached out to me in February, and they wanted to interview me for Valentine's Day,

Maryann Samreth  16:37

easy raise, I remember that. Yeah. Which was amazing. That's huge.

Molly Godfrey  16:41

It was really, it was so unexpected. And

Maryann Samreth  16:46

it makes sense. Like when you pour your heart out in a way where it's out of your, you know, a page in your diary like that, that energy of, you know, everything that you are feeling goes into that and that all those women that related to you, they were receiving that, so totally makes sense that it went viral, and it needed, you know, to be seen and experienced by so many women.

Molly Godfrey  17:09

Yeah. And when I also learned as you know, heartbreak is just such a human experience. You know, I thought it was so unique. And, you know, we've all we've all I shouldn't say we've all but so many of us have experienced some sort of loss, something hasn't worked out, we've been in love and it didn't, you know, wasn't wasn't the one and and, and had our heart shattered. And so heartbreak is just a really universal human experience. That was also just so healing to know that I was not alone in. So it was mutually like, I healed so much from that. Yeah. Oh, I love that being as popular as it was. And then like I said, some of my most dear clients, there's two women in particular that came to me one called off a wedding. And wow, yeah, one cut off a wedding. And one was in a similar relationship. Her knees weren't getting that she wasn't happy. Both of them hired me. Both of them are now one is like about to move in with her new partner who she's just like, in love with she's like, Molly, I've never been loved like this before. And the other woman similar. She was like, I never thought I'd get over that breakup, I thought it would be stuck forever, and met an incredible man, they actually both agreed to be featured on my website. So Oh, my gosh, that's amazing. Check that out. Their stories are beautiful, but they both came from that article. And it's like, wow, their lives are completely changed as a result of that.

Maryann Samreth  18:29

That's amazing. I mean, that just shows how important it is to write and share our stories. We never know who it's going to reach. And when we just have to trust that the universe will send it off to the people that need it. And I totally believe that writing and sharing our stories, there's magic involved. I know it sounds weird, but I do believe that like energetically when we put pieces of our heart out there like stories from our soul, like it gets the universe finds a way to get it out there to someone that needs it. Completely. Yeah. So I would love to hear about your journey to sobriety and how that has changed your life. Yeah,

Molly Godfrey  19:11

so that's like the whole that's been going on in the background of all of this. So you know, as I mentioned a bit like I grew up a really lonely kid, I grew up lonely kid addiction and mental illness, you know, certainly present in my family, my extended family. And for me, it was always just alcohol substances. You don't work like I can be workaholic at times. But you know, it was just something to soothe my nervous system. It was a coping mechanism that had me feel more comfortable my own skin me feel less alone. This is drinking it had me feel more connected to others and me feel more comfortable in my body. And it also just, you know became that thing that I turned to when I felt really stressed. I felt really overwhelmed. I worked a really demanding corporate job. I worked in corporate finance is working 100 hours a week. Oh, wow, oh my gosh had these crazy quotas. I was managing this partnership, I had so much pressure on me, right. And it was like a pressure cooker for all that wasn't working in my life, you know, to be examined, and I was drinking really, really heavily. I would go into work on a Wednesday and be like, you know, when can I get drunk this week, and it was blacking out almost every weekend was just having this string of unfulfilling relationships, and I drink and drink drink quite a bit in college, but college, it's really normalized. Everyone's Yeah, partying. But I had two co workers that I worked in finance with that were sober. And I never like, Never knew that you could just not drink like it didn't pass them on. And so two of these men, you know, shared with me about their journey. And they were like, Yeah, I had a drinking problem. I had a drug problem, and I had to stop. And it was just getting progressively worse. You know, I was starting to lose friends. Like my drinking was becoming a really big problem. I was getting kicked out of bars. I was waking up in my clothes, I was just like, progressively getting worse and worse. I was not remembering what happened the night before. And so I woke up one night, August, almost five years ago, it'll be it'll be five years, this upcoming year, you know, granted, all goes well this year. But I just woke up and I was after a night of partying woke up to a random guy. Well, he was random. He was a friend of mine. And the only way we could connect was when we got completely wasted. On the weekends we had, we had a lot of feelings for each other. But all we knew how to do is drink and you know, the app. So I woke up one morning in August, I was like I can't, it really was a spiritual experience. It was my body day like we're done with this. We cannot live like this anymore, being hungover, being so ashamed of what you did, or being so numbed out to your own life. Like that's the other thing I was so numbed out, like, was actually feeling anything wasn't alive at all. It's just going through the motions having this existence. And so I stopped, I stopped drinking and a woman in my coaching program, one of the teachers actually, she had almost 15 years of sobriety. And so she had shared with me a lot about her journey, I have these two co workers that have shared with me with their journey, and I decided I decided to give it a try. And so for me, I work a 12 step program, and that works really well. I have been sponsored, I go through 12 steps have met amazing community and women as a result, you know, my therapist obviously knows that this is work I do. But I think the the framework of recovery, whether it's for an eating disorder, whether it's for sex and love addiction, whether it's for drugs and alcohol, whether it's for being a child of alcoholics, it's so healing, it's completely free. That's what I also love, it's a completely free resource available to anyone. And it just, it's a really profound healing process of looking at your relationship to a substance, looking at, you know, tools to feel your feelings, looking at tools to manage fear, looking at tools, to be honest with yourself, and it was just nothing I have ever been given. So a lot of ways re parenting myself, parenting myself, meeting community X communities. So, so important. And like really getting honest, really looking at my past really taking responsibility for my past and then making living amends and deciding to show up differently, and examining, examining my ways of being in relationship. And so it's been profoundly healing. Like I said, I celebrated four years and this past August and I have no plans, like, I have no plans to drink again, or introduce that into my life. Like what I have now is just so much more fulfilling, I feel like feelings in present, I'm the year I just have such better healthy coping mechanisms, yoga writing community of different kinds. And so I just would love any listeners to know it's a completely free resource, whether you struggle with eating with relationships with substances, it's a phenomenal framework and resource to check out that profoundly changed my life.

Maryann Samreth  24:11

Yeah, I mean, I didn't even know that that was free. So I think that's really important for for people to know that if they need, you know, resources and support that it's out there and it's available for them. And I think it's thank you so much for sharing your story and congrats on for it. You said four years of sobriety since

Molly Godfrey  24:28

it's August. Yeah.

Maryann Samreth  24:30

That's amazing. What would you say was like the most challenging part about the sobriety journey?

Molly Godfrey  24:36

Yeah, I mean, a few things. One, you know, we're so conditioned to drink like, it's so acceptable to just go out people like, Oh, you're gonna meet for a drink, like, go out. Spend $50 Spend $100 on a night out? Yeah. I think the hardest thing was my family. My family, you know, struggles a lot. You know, they are big drinkers. They get they all get together. They drink a lot and they fight with each other. And so it was really hard for my family. only to see me they were really confronted by my journey. That was probably the tough one. And then friends friends not understand because that's the other thing. I was a very functioning, very functioning. It's very, very functioning and so like really had a problem. It's like yeah, I was miserable. I was so miserable. Yeah. And so I think the hardest thing at first was finding, you know, finding sober activities, finding sober people, it got easier. But at first it was like, Oh, wait, like, can I still have fun without drinking can stay social? And you can answer is you can't you just have to get really comfortable saying like, No, I don't drink and really continuing to make that choice for yourself.

Maryann Samreth  25:37

Yeah, I actually did sobriety for like six months last year. And then I like slowly introduced it back and then like a more healthier way, like three things, three drinks, Max. But during that time, I was just so shocked by how uncomfortable people were around me. And that made me uncomfortable to be around people uncomfortable with me not drinking and I was just like, there's this huge stigma around sobriety what what's like, something that you would like to address like any stigmas around like alcohol addiction, or or the path to sobriety?

Molly Godfrey  26:15

Yeah, it's true. I think I want to share a really funny story so quickly. I reconnected with one of my friends from undergrad and he was in grad school at Columbia, probably like a year, year and a half into my sobriety journey. And he invited me to to a party at Columbia. He's like, hey, Emily, like call me my girlfriend coming to my friends. So go to Columbia, you know, apartment near Columbia. And I'm not drinking and I walk in and I'm like, Hi, I'm Molly, you know, and they're like, oh, what can I get you to drink? I was like, oh, I'll just have a water. And people looked at me like, I was crazy. And also people didn't know how to get water. They were like, they're like, where's that? They were like, ah, Britta cop, like, they were just so disoriented. Yeah. And I think the stigma is, like, I don't like Don't worry about us, like, we're not we're okay. We're not is horrible. Like, I think people just think like, Oh, you must be having a terrible time, like, Oh, I'm so sorry. And it's like, I'm fine. Just give me a glass of water. And I'll be great. I will talk to you. Don't worry about me, or a lot of my friends will bring like soda water or their own beverage or Bucha. And it's like, Don't worry about us, we're fine. And like, also, it's just, it's so inclusive. You know, some people don't drink for health reasons. Some people don't drink at a preference, like it's inclusive to not have have drinking and alcohol, the center of an event. So however thing and like really be mindful about like, some people really can't drink, you know, for a multitude of reasons. So it's, it's inclusive to, to not and also, you know, it's not your business to have to explain yourself. So yeah, I appreciate people that are like, Oh, cool. And like, Give space if I want to share and also don't like girly, why don't drink. I don't need to explain myself. I can just not drink, you know?

Maryann Samreth  28:01

Yeah, yeah, I definitely got a lot of like, a wise and I had that pressure to like, explain myself. And it's, yeah, you're right. Like, people feel sorry for us or something. Like, like, like, they're just uncomfortable. And then it it you're right, like they no one has to worry about us. Like, that's so true. It's like it should be more more more normalized to decide not to drink. So I'm glad that I'm glad that we're talking about this, because I think it's a very important topic. And it's something that I'm still like, oh, maybe I should go back to just being sober again, even though like, I have a healthy relationship with alcohol now, but I didn't before so it's just it's always something that's been like the back of my mind.

Molly Godfrey  28:45

Yeah. And there's a really funny totally, there's a really funny skit. I don't know if it's on SNL or some comedian made a joke. Similar to my party experience is like, when you say you don't drink people reach for like, you know, vegetables. They truly don't know how to handle it's like just have other just have soda water or just, you know, just have it.

Maryann Samreth  29:09

Yeah, exactly. Well, I would love to hear about, you know, like your trauma recovery journey. And I know you've you've talked about doing EMDR EFT, EFT as somatic experiencing, how has that somatic recovery healing journey been for you? And how did you get started in it?

Molly Godfrey  29:29

Yeah, yes. So I think actually, I met an amazing therapist through the 12 step work that I did, I got a really great referral. And, you know, we we first started out just chatting like talk therapy, and she mentioned EMDR. I had heard a bit about it. I was like, Oh, I think this is something I want to try. This is really interesting. And it's funny, you know, it started off as wanting to process a breakup, but sure enough, you know, more and more got revealed as you know, underlying things So I was struggling and had results in PTSD from but you know, I was just doing a lot of talk therapy at first and then I had a panic attack, I had a really intense panic attack on the subway. And it was really, really intense my system and my body as panic attacks are Yeah. And I came into therapy like that, that next week or that week, and I was like, hey, I need to do EMDR I'm not doing well. She was like, alright, she's like, let's start it. So it really was at first a process, the PTSD that resulted from this breakup, because it wasn't, it wasn't clean. It was very dramatic, very hurtful, caused me a lot of pain. But I also was in a really intense car accident when I was 19. With a different boyfriend. Oh, I didn't know that. Yeah, I was in a really like, we almost died. Wow, we the people that came to recover the car and do the insurance report were like, based on how the car landed and how everything turned out. They were like, We're shocked that you both walked away from that. Wow. So I had no idea. I had no idea that that was affecting my life. And so for the car accident, or no, sorry, came in for the breakup, the car accident got addressed. But then I also was really intensely bullied by women is really intensely believed by women a bit in a bit in grade school, but actually in adulthood,

Maryann Samreth  31:17

which Oh, Yeah, same here. It happens a lot, especially in in New York. And I'm sure la too.

Molly Godfrey  31:25

Yeah. And I had no idea that was impacting me. So I went into some really intense memories of, you know, being confronted by women as an adult. And it's funny, again, I came in for the breakup and ended up processing all these other things. But the EMDR was truly the most transformative experience in my life. I remember walking out of the first session on my therapists office, and I remember thinking, oh, like my ears popped, like, I've always had like, really intense motion sickness, and like, just have generally felt not good in my body. That's also why drinks it didn't feel good in my body, because I had all this trauma. And so I walked into that therapy session, my ears popped, I like had, just like all this clarity, like, I just felt amazing. And I remember you, it was actually right near Murray Hill, her office, she was on Park Ave, like towards Grand Central, always walked to the Bareburger in Murray Hill. And I just remember leaving her office with just this cloud nine experience, I was like, Is this what it's like to live without anxiety? What it's like, and it just continued. From there, I will say it was a really intense process of things coming back up to the surface of feeling things of things like leaving my body of things like processing out, there were some, some sessions where I felt really ill and sick as it processed. And so I did, you know, body work to supplement to make sure it all kind of left. But it was truly a profound process of like, feeling through trauma that's existed for years, like I leave my body, you know, fascinating. And as a result, my I wrote, like, I remember having this experience with it, where I was, like, I need to get to a laptop and just like start writing. And I just like, all these words poured out of me and I just started writing and you know, creating and I that was like my creative awakening. Like, as I was doing these sessions, I just like I couldn't not write and some some of them I published, some of them turned into these, you know, articles that have found other women. And some of them I just, you know, have on my Google Drive for myself. But writing like all this creativity was locked up and all this trauma that I had no idea.

Maryann Samreth  33:42

Yeah. And they say like creativity, well, like creativity and relationships are like the two things that move you forward from trauma. So it makes sense that you were channeling all this creative energy into into words, because you've had times where you didn't feel like you can use your voice. And that's one of the most profound things about writing is that it gives you a tool to speak like through your body, which sounds like that's what that's what was happening with you after these these EMDR sessions.

Molly Godfrey  34:11

Totally. Yeah, it is exactly what happened. Yeah, so that was EMDR. And then when I decided to relaunch my coaching business, I met through six degrees, this wonderful woman who did an EFT tapping circle, and I had heard about EFT, I knew that it was similar to EMDR. And that it, you know, affected the nervous system. I didn't know much about it. So she hosted a tapping circle, probably one of the last in person things before the pandemic and we we all you know, all these really, you know, impressive entrepreneurs are sitting in the circle tapping. She was leading us through this tapping script, and I went home and I had this really just kind of crazy dream and I was like, wow, I think I think you know, I responded really well to that. So I reached out to her and she's a business coach. She's a business coach that does either T EFT work with clients. And so I ended up hiring her she was when I first business coaches, and we looked at, you know, all the fears that came along with growing a business and how to relate it to my childhood. So my fear of being rejected my, you know, need for approval my What else do we tap on, you know, money fears and all sorts of things that I thought were, you know, business related were actually just more childhood trauma. And so we did a lot of deep EFT sessions. And the results were, again, just so quick, that's what I love about these two modalities is you can, you can move through things very quickly, very gently, very quickly. And as a result, like my writing, just my writing output increased, I was starting to create a business around it, creating offerings for my business. And so my business really took off, my writing really took off and I was I was doing some EMDR in the background with that as well. And then I decided the end of that year, I was like I want to use it to with my own clients, I went got EFT certified, went through a trauma informed certification process through them. And now I use with my clients and it's so healing for them. It's so transformative. I've seen some just unexplicable shifts in these women after doing just one or two tapping sessions with them. And I love bringing in a tapping practice during my group programs to it's so healing for to do it as a group and after that tapping session the women just it's really cool to see what gets created after that. So

Maryann Samreth  36:29

I think I've answered Yeah, I can you walk us through what EFT is like and what it does to our to our nervous system for anyone that doesn't or is not familiar with it

Molly Godfrey  36:38

totally, totally. So EFT eight uses the Chinese meridian system. So points in the body that tend to store a lot of emotion. So the side of the hand, that top of the head near the eye is the vagus nerve side of the body. And what it does is you locate, you either pick a past memory, or you create a future scenario. So a lot of times my clients have anxiety about dating, we'll have them picture, you know, what is the first date look like for you? Sometimes they're like, Okay, well, I'm picturing myself at a bar, I'm picturing myself getting ready for the day and picturing myself being up on the wait the day and being really anxious. And so we'll picture a future scenario, and they'll pick the emotion that's coming up, and then they'll pick where they feel it most in their body. And then we'll just do a tapping sequence gently tapping on these points that I mentioned, and will repeat the motion will repeat the feelings that they're having about it. Just in a simple script. Like even though I'm feeling so anxious about the state I have coming up next week, you'll know my chest worrying how it's gonna go, like just creating a simple script around it. And then the ending tabbing script is I choose to deeply and completely accept myself, I accept this is how I feel. And it just brings some acceptance to the experience that they're having. Like, it's okay. Because when we're trying to ignore it, or suppress it, or pretend it doesn't exist, just lives in the shadow. And then we don't feel we don't we feel out of we feel in dissonance. Yeah, so we name the experience. They're having the name words living in the body, and we rate everything on a scale of intensity. So it's really cool to see women start and they're like, Yeah, that's a level nine. Like, I'm really anxious about that. I'm really nervous about that. And then usually, after one round, they're like, No, it's definitely not a nine, maybe it's a four or five, and then we'll do one more round. And they're like, No, it's gone. I don't feel that. And sometimes, like a different memory will come up. They'll be like, oh, yeah, I'm remembering a FaceTime date I went on during the pandemic that felt like this. And so then we'll create a tapping script about processing that FaceTime day that they went on and what came up then. And so we'll clear that out of their system. And so it's really what I love about it is it's so so gentle. It's something they can do on their own as well. Like, you can go home and do tapping on your own. So a lot of my clients would be like, Oh, Molly, I was tapping like crazy this week. All the things came up, and but it has big, big big shifts, which is really, really cool.

Maryann Samreth  38:59

Yeah, that's amazing, because I had our friend Michelle COVID, my program and she led a tapping exercise for my students for their fears around sharing their work. And it is just a way to like let your emotions flow through your body and lean into it and I love using words and dialogue to just validate all of the uncomfortable emotions that you are moving in and out of like it's always okay to feel your feelings and it's an incredible like powerful powerful tool to to just help you regulate your emotions and and just gain more compassion for yourself.

Molly Godfrey  39:38

Totally, totally. And it's called EFT Emotional Freedom Technique because you can you can have feelings for this experience and you can also signal to your body that you're okay it's okay. So they call it freedom because it's like, you know, our emotions will never go away like we are going to have bad days. We are going to feel overwhelmed. We are going to have You know, you're gonna have emotions. And it's like, can you learn how to regulate your own nervous system and feel that and still move forward in your life, you know, like, you can feel really nervous about something and still take action and you're okay, and you're safe.

Maryann Samreth  40:14

That's so true. And that is a huge part of dating, it's navigating all those anxieties, or even like those self sabotaging beliefs that we carry, How has being trauma informed and learning about EFT and incorporating it into your coaching business, transformed your clients.

Molly Godfrey  40:34

I mean, in so many ways, I think probably the biggest thing I was talking to a client about this last week before, so it's super, I make it super clear. I'm not a licensed therapist, EFT you can do as a non licensed, helping professional. And I'm really, really clear upfront with everyone I work with, like, I am not a therapist,

Maryann Samreth  40:52

I'm a coach, this

Molly Godfrey  40:53

is what we work on, we're very forward focused, should anything from the past come up, you know, I'm, I'm handled, I know how to contain it. And honestly, the majority of my clients do have therapists, and they're, like, totally get it. So I'm really clear to say if anything is out of my scope, I, you know, want you to get support and therapy this week. Or if you don't have someone, I will make sure you have a referral. But the majority of my clients do have therapists, which is very cool, because I think they're perfect complements. So that's something to know, sometimes a past memory will come up in tapping, but the majority of what we're doing is future focus. Yeah, but it has really just opened my eyes to the gentleness like not like, you know, it's so important to just move slowly and kindly and create safety, and just like really be checking in with yourself all through a process, like, is this feeling good? Is this okay to go here? You know, what do you think you're needing, and just like, really creating a container of safety, but also just moving gently, like, so much comes up in our relationships, like, you know, it's called a healing journey, for a reason, like, we don't have to, you know, we can just honor each part of the process, you don't have to throw ourselves in the deep end. And, you know, go too quickly over something that might be wanting attention. So there's anything I've learned is just like, the reverence to have for healing process, and the slowness to meet ourselves that and just like the holding that I do, and, you know, the cadence that I that I speak, you know, in these sessions with and just having, making sure that, you know, there's really clear boundaries, and there's a really clear understanding of what we're going to do. And, yeah, it's just having be a lot kinder to the human experience a lot more understanding and, like, there's just so much that goes into it that I need to be aware of that could come up and know how to rub someone off and, and handle should something get revealed. And also just like creating safety in my own in my own coaching sessions. Yeah.

Maryann Samreth  42:55

Yeah, I mean, that's just so beautifully, like your process and your approach, working with people is so beautiful, and in your understanding of, you know, coaching people to meeting them where they're at, and slowly guiding them through and letting them know that this is a journey and that there's, you know, there's no need to rush through this life, we have the rest of our lives to heal and also be in a relationship. So I think that that is so important to recognize that honoring this journey is just also going at the pace that our body needs to and understanding that so I I just I love hearing you just talk about your your approach it I think it's I think it's a beautiful way to work with, with women who are in need of feeling seen and validated and feeling safe to, to be in a relationship and receive that love.

Molly Godfrey  43:45

Thank you. Yeah, it's just such an honor every single day, I'm like, wow, these I get to work with these women and just see their lives transform and see them step forward, you know, with more confidence and speaking up for themselves and, you know, really getting honest about what they want in relationships. Like it's really just such a privilege to get to do the work that I do. I don't I don't take it lightly. It's really an honor of this lifetime.

Maryann Samreth  44:09

You know, yeah, I can, I can feel that energy from you. You just like your dedication, commitment to helping women see themselves in the way you know, you see them. That's why we have you know, coaches and therapists, we, we don't often see ourselves the way people that love us unconditionally, do so having that mirror and having that reflection is so important. So I I'm just I love your work.

Molly Godfrey  44:35

Thank you and right back at you, you know, like writing has just been such a profound part of my healing journey. I'm always I always, you know, encourage clients. I'm like, check out my friend, Marissa. Oh, really exciting things. Yeah. So, you know, I just think there's, it's such a great complement to being in a formal therapy container, like having a trauma writing coach being a trauma reading group program, like oh my goodness,

Maryann Samreth  45:00

Thank you so much how I know you're writing you know, you've been dabbling in your memoir, you're in your memoir writing class. How is that going? What is your process of, of, you know, doing it doing the damn thing writing your memoir?

Molly Godfrey  45:11

Well, that's right. We were in a memoir class together. So I took I took another one of his classes. We've inheritable writing teacher, Nick, Nick, Gina, and let's see, where am I at? So I just finished his last memoir class ended October, you know, Maryann, it's a work in progress. It is,

Maryann Samreth  45:30

it is. I know, I tried to do NaNoWriMo with my memoir, and I don't recommend doing NaNoWriMo for childhood. With that, because I know so it's so November is National Writing Month. And I learned about this this year. And basically everyone writes, like 1600 words a day. And the goal is to finish a novel by the end of November. So you have all these writers, like, I think it's probably a bigger and the Twitterverse. Everyone talks about NaNoWriMo. And the goal is to write at least like 50 think it's like 50, something crazy, like 50,000 55,000 words, by the end of the month. So I thought I could do it. And not with a memoir I don't recommend.

Molly Godfrey  46:22

Yeah, yeah, I mean, so much. I don't know if you relate to this. But so much of a memoir is just like remembering, like, remembering key details. Like I spent probably an hour to try and remember this restaurant from my childhood and trying to remember this video game that my sister used to play. And it's like, so much of it is just recalling. And so totally, it's, it's not something you can just sit down and knock out like OHLC writing, it's, it's, there's a lot to it. And I also just have so much respect for anyone that's published a memoir, anyone that's published any sort of book how much work and bravery and courage it took them to get created. I'm just like, so in awe of,

Maryann Samreth  47:01

yeah, yeah, I am the same way. Because now that I'm writing mine, I'm I'm realizing how just it have a process that I have to be okay, sitting with the pace that I need to be at, because I think I tried to rush it. And I think what my March is anyone writing their memoir, like you're allowed to take your time, like, there's no need to rush to the process, because it's, you're also like, I feel like, as you're writing it, like you're feeling it in your body, too. So it's definitely a somatic experience. Writing your memoir, and I know that's something you said you were doing somatic experiencing, has that been helpful in writing your memoir? Yeah, I

Molly Godfrey  47:41

just started two weeks going just I was in need of a new business mentor. So I have a somatic experiencing business mentor who's, that's so cool. But it's, it's like the deepest work I've done so much work. But this is, this is by far the deepest, I think I've I've done. So I'm just kind of like looking at what this is going to look like it's a six month container. So I'm looking at what's gonna look like but there's so much clearing that's happening. There's so much clearing that's happening. I don't think I've quite settled from it. But I'm sure I am absolutely sure it's going to impact my writing and and what creatively I produced to

Maryann Samreth  48:19

Yeah, I don't Well, I can't wait to you know, just follow your journey of writing. If you're writing your memoir, and I feel like we're both on that on that same journey. So it's nice to know, I'm not alone doing this. And I'm, you know, it's we will definitely finish her memoirs. It's gonna happen, I truly believe no, that's going to happen for both of us. And we'll have it published. And it's going to be a, you know, an up leveling process. And we'll have to fight impostor syndrome, but it's, it's definitely going to happen for us. I know it will. Oh,

Molly Godfrey  48:48

but yeah, there's no doubt about it. It's, it's happening. It's just you know, the universe's timeline. I'm very, it's a, I think, by really, it's, it's a balance of like, trusting trusting that, like more chapters have to be lived out. And like sitting down to really do the work and write to it's an interesting balance. I'm still trying to find

Maryann Samreth  49:07

Yeah, well, speaking of new chapters, you're in Bali right now. And you recently left New York City last year, I think. I'm not sure. What was it like back in the fall you officially like moved out of New York? I think it was like oh, wait, no, it's this year? Yeah, it was August of this Yeah. Like I can't even like keep up with time but how was how was first of all, how was leaving New York? So I know that's never easy. And and what has been your journey like in

Molly Godfrey  49:35

in Bali? Yeah. So it's always been a desire of mine to travel. I never studied abroad. I traveled once after college, but I did so much drinking. I don't even really remember what we did. And I didn't think it would happen this quickly. Always been a desire of mine that I just didn't really think I'd have the courage to pursue, but my lease was up for renewal in August of this year had a nine month sublease. And as the universe would have Have it two months before I was set to renew it, I got the pucks. I remember that which sucked which sucks so much but it really woke me up to like what's important to me I had to throw out almost all my stuff. I like no longer felt like that apartment was my home anymore I just yeah, it was so violating it was so gross. Yeah, so I had a couple of friends in Bali and they were like Molly just finally come to Bali and so I applied for a visa got accepted and then delta happened in the country shut down. But I didn't have a lease anymore. I know where the lives it's like oh my gosh, like Oh, what am I gonna do so a different friend invited me to come to Portugal so I spent almost six weeks in Europe and then Bali did open back up thankfully I was able to get here had a quarantine but I got here and for anyone on any sort of healing journey Bali i So recommend Bali be one of your last stops like they're not last stops be one of your stops like it's the perfect as I finish out the very last healing of this breakup. And just that time in my life like being in Bali is so it just feels so perfectly aligned. Like it's so quiet here. It's so good for your nervous system. It's so peaceful that people are so kind the food is just healthy and delicious. You know, you can get I have this. I'm sitting during this podcast interview and I'm, you know, in my kitchen of this beautiful two storey bungalow Villa so luxurious and spacious. And I've met some incredible healers and body workers and yoga teachers and it's just like my therapist, she was like, I'm so excited for you. She's like, this just feels like the perfect next step in your healing journey. The bookmark for all the work I've been doing the past few years.

Maryann Samreth  51:47

I love that. And it's some for tax right? It's like an energy vortex. So that makes sense that there's so much healing going on.

Molly Godfrey  51:54

Yeah, so Bali, Peru and Sedona, Arizona, like exist on these interesting electromagnetic latitudinal planes. And so, yes, the vortex things happen so much faster here. Like, you know, every single day is like a very intense spiritual experience. Like things just move really quickly. So it's fascinating. And also like, it'll either spit you out and send you home, or evil like it's true. Like you'll either like I have a friend get here at the same time. And she couldn't do it. And she's back in the States. Oh, wow. Yeah. So at first it was like a lot to adjust to it was like, in a good way. It was just like a lot more to feel a lot more to be present for but i think i think I'm gonna make it. So my plan is to stay through the end of January. Do like a very solid 90 days here. And then our mutual friend is actually publishing a book, Emily, so I want to come home for her book launch.

Maryann Samreth  52:50

Austin. Yeah, I actually interviewed her yesterday. Oh, my goodness. Yeah.

Molly Godfrey  52:58

Yeah, she's my best friend from college. And yeah, that's right. I know it's a small world. I'm just so grateful to get to watch her on the book publishing journey and just get to know what's in store. Yeah, so I hope I get to see you see ya the party.

Maryann Samreth  53:15

You marry. Yeah, that's definitely something I'm I'm considering. I'm also considering doing like a similar abroad trip like you. So we'll see. I'm just kind of got my passport renewed. So I just have the travel bugs. So we'll see where I end up going next year.

Molly Godfrey  53:34

Oh, my goodness. Okay. We'll keep me posted on

Maryann Samreth  53:37

Yeah, yeah. Maybe I'll join you in Bali?

Molly Godfrey  53:39

Yes, yeah. So I'm going to come back for her book party and then I think I'll come back. It's also rainy season right now. So I want to come back not rainy season as well. probably spend some more time here this year and then just decide decide if I want to get another lease. Decide if I want to be on the East Coast. The West Coast I'm not sure.

Maryann Samreth  53:56

Yeah, in it's okay to take your time and decide and wait for you know, clarity for what your next steps are. I'm excited to see where you go next.

Molly Godfrey  54:06

Thank you. Yes. And yeah, totally. I appreciate that. One, the biggest piece of advice I got was like, Don't come back until you really have clarity on what it is that you want.

Maryann Samreth  54:18

Like, come back to Bali don't come back. I was like Bali is that serious about your spiritual journey.

Molly Godfrey  54:28

mentor of mine was like mine. You just like take all the time you need and like stay as long as like until you have real clarity on what you want. That's really good advice.

Maryann Samreth  54:37

I love that. That's that's a great, great advice that I feel like we don't often get is like, one thing I learned in my somatic therapy class is learning to hold our somatic maybes which is like just waiting till you get clarity of either yes or no no or your next move. But being in the maybe is also very powerful. So I I love that that's where you're at now, just being in the maybe. I love that. Well, I have two final questions for you. What do you wish the world had more of

Molly Godfrey  55:12

Otter wish the world had more of, I think permission permission to like take up space to follow your desires permission to do it, like write the write the memoir or publish the blog post, like, you know, so, at least for myself, I was always looking for someone else to give me the green light and so empowering to be like, you know, I can actually just cultivate that courage within and take that stuff. So always something I'm trying to encourage my clients of like, you don't need permission from anyone, like you can follow your own desires in your own truth. And so I love you know, women and especially anyone just give her permission, feel more permission to do the thing they've always wanted, speak up speak their truth. No, I'm just trusting themselves.

Maryann Samreth  55:56

Yeah, I love that. My final question is, what advice do you have for anyone on their healing journey,

Molly Godfrey  56:04

I think be patient. It's not about, you know, it's not a race, be patient. I've found actually like, the slower and more grace and space you give yourself, you know, it just is able to integrate more. So just be patient. Like, there's going to be people you meet. And in each chapter, there's going to be opportunities that come in, in each chapter and just like, you know, really celebrate Celebrate each and every piece of the journey and just know that you're divinely guided. You know, there is a plan that we're not always aware of, but that always seems to work out just like the patient, enjoy it. Take your time, really feel through all the things. Okay.

Maryann Samreth  56:42

I love that. Well, thank you so much for coming on the show. How can my followers follow you? What upcoming offerings Do you have?

Molly Godfrey  56:51

Yeah, it was my pleasure. Thank you so much. This was such a fun conversation. Where can people find me Instagram and Twitter, I am asked for Molly. I am breaking into Twitter more. But probably the best most active place to find me is actually LinkedIn sends so many women I work with and clients, I work with our career professionals. I love creating LinkedIn content and doing storytelling on LinkedIn. So you can search by first and last name, Molly Godfrey, I do a bit on Instagram and Twitter. And on my website, I am actually building out a new workshop sequence and a new download, you know really getting to the root of of why you're single and what are the emotional blocks and away from creating your next relationship. So Molly godfrey.com asked for Molly and then Molly Godfrey on LinkedIn.

Maryann Samreth  57:34

Amazing. Well, thank you so much for coming on the show and sharing your wisdom and your heart. I am just so excited for everything that you know, you'll be journeying journeying into into the next year and things that you know, you're I'm always following your like your LinkedIn content with your adventures in Bali. I just go on LinkedIn guys. And Molly has great stories. And she's she's a great writer. So definitely follow her. And if you need a relationship coach, I highly recommend her.

Molly Godfrey  58:04

Thank you so much, Maryann, this was a blast. Thank you so much for having me. And Edwards,

Maryann Samreth  58:10

thank you. We all have a story to tell. And I want to thank you for listening to Molly's journey, she just launched a new online course called dating confidence. And you can use code podcast for $75 off at successful love.com/dating-confidence. The link will be in show notes if you want to check that out. And something that I just kind of want to personally share. I'm going through a breakup right now. And it's a process but I will say as someone who created a memoir podcast about healing from my abusive ex, I can honestly say that healing from a healthy and healing relationship is so much easier than healing from an abusive relationship but you will be okay if this ever happens to you, your world will not end you will not feel like you will never get the love you deserve. What I am feeling is that I am moving closer to it that this person was not my person. But you know, I'm in the process of of letting that relationship golf letting him go. It's only going to move me closer to the right person and coming out of this relationship. I really just learned more about myself I learned about needs, you know, coming out of this relationship. I had a conversation with my therapist, you know, being in a victim state being really raw talking to her and just telling her like I wanted to be that person that you know got into that healthy relationship after the abusive one and then like got the happy ending and got married and have kids and XYZ And she was just like Maryann, like you can have all of those things. You don't need to be with a partner to validate your worthiness of having all of those things, and there is no destination to healing. And it just really, you know, broke me open to realize that I have been in this pattern where I was kind of using relationships to validate loving my darkest parts of myself. And in this relationship, what my what my former partner he did, he loved the darkest parts of me, when I told him about some really heavy things that I've been through, he stayed and he loved me through it. And the chapter is now completed, our relationship is not completed. And I now realize that I am able to love myself in the way that he did. So if you are having doubts about love, you are similarly going through a breakup from a healing or healthy relationship, have hope, have hope that you will get the love that you deserve, because you are already worthy of it. Like Molly said, give yourself permission to have all of your desires. Give yourself that permission, because your worth is inherent. You do not need to prove to anyone that you deserve love that you deserve, XYZ you already do. And I think for a lot of trauma survivors, we feel like we have to prove our way into the world, we have to earn our way into the world, we can just be who we are. We can just love every single part of ourselves just as it is let go of that shame and truly, truly move forward to the life that we deserve. Knowing that we don't need anyone to prove that for us. We already are worthy of love. So that's my two minute TED Talk. I'm just feeling the feels. It's been a year of growth this year has been a year of growth and just giving myself more permission to go with the flow of life. Because I feel like moments are precious relationships are you don't know what's short lived and what's forever. Every moment is precious. So truly enjoy this journey of life and embrace every single feeling that lives in and out of your life embrace every single moment because life is composed of moments. It's here and then it's gone. And then you're just left with your stories. So yeah, that is all I have to say for now. Thank you for listening to this episode. I hope it was powerful for you and follow me sincerely Miss Mary, Instagram tic tac sport, my crowdfunding campaign and I will talk to you guys all soon.